Back to school: when anxiety starts to weigh heavily

The start of the school year can bring excitement, but also nervousness, irritability, difficulties sleeping, or physical complaints. Not all of these signs are worrying. The important thing is to recognize when they are part of the adjustment process and when they start to significantly interfere with the child’s life.

September changes the rhythm of many families. Schedules return, mornings become more rushed, homework takes over, activities increase, and the need to reorganize days in accordance with school becomes more pressing.

For some children, this change is received with enthusiasm. For others, the first few days can be more difficult.

It is common for parents to have questions: will it be normal to be more irritable? And the stomach aches before leaving the house? And when does he start saying that he doesn’t want to go to school?

Most of the time, some discomfort is part of the adaptation process.

Not all anxiety is a problem

Starting a new school year means dealing with several changes at the same time.

Even when the school remains the same, teachers, classmates, classrooms, schedules, and what is expected of the child can change.

It is natural that there may be some apprehension.

And in children, anxiety does not always manifest itself in phrases like “I’m worried” or “I’m anxious”.

It can appear through the body and behavior: difficulty falling asleep, headaches, stomach aches, increased irritability, a need to be closer to parents, or resistance when leaving the house.

When these signs are mild and decrease as the days pass, they tend to be part of the adaptation to the new routine.

When you need to be more attentive

What is more important than an isolated behavior is to understand how it evolves.

There are three aspects that help distinguish a transient reaction from a difficulty that deserves greater attention: the intensity, the duration, and the interference with daily life.

A child may be more nervous during the first few days and still manage to go to school, play, sleep, and maintain their usual activities.

It is different when the fear increases, lasts for several weeks, or begins to limit what the child can do.

Systematically refusing to go to school, sleeping poorly for a long time, withdrawing from friends, presenting frequent physical complaints, or living with great distress in the mornings are signs that deserve to be understood with greater attention.

The way adults respond also matters

In the face of a child's anxiety, it is natural for parents to want to reassure her immediately.

But helping does not always mean removing the discomfort.

Often, the most important thing is to show willingness to listen and to help the child put into words what they are feeling.

Simple questions can make this conversation easier: “How was your day?”, “Which was easier?”, “Was there anything you didn’t like?”

The child won't always respond right away. And that's okay.

Rather than insisting, it’s important to create an environment where you know you can talk when you need to.

It is also useful to remember that returning to school doesn’t just affect children. Adults can also feel more pressure at this time.

There are schedules to coordinate, travel arrangements, activities, work, and many practical decisions that need to be made at the same time.

The children perceive this tension.

Therefore, the way adults deal with their own concerns can influence the way they live theirs.

It is possible to recognize some uncertainty without turning it into a threat: “We are also getting used to this new routine. We will gradually figure out how it works best.”

This availability helps the child to feel that they don't need to have everything resolved right from the very first days.

Having some predictability helps

When there are many changes, knowing what will happen next can bring security.

Relatively stable schedules for waking up, eating, doing homework, playing, and sleeping help to organize the day and reduce the feeling of unpredictability.

This does not mean creating a rigid routine.

A useful routine is one that provides references, but still allows for adjustments when the day doesn’t go exactly as planned.

Whenever possible, it can be positive to involve the child in this organization. Choosing the clothes the night before, preparing the backpack, or arranging for some of the daily activities in advance are small ways to give them greater participation and autonomy.

Cell phones: it's not just a matter of screen time

The presence of mobile phones in the lives of children and teenagers has also become an important issue in the school context.

Limiting the use of these devices during the school day can help create more space for other experiences that are part of growth.

Leisure time, for example, is not just a break between classes.

It is a time to talk, play, move around, resolve small conflicts, observe others, and learn how to be in a group.

When much of this time is spent on the phone, other experiences may end up falling by the wayside.

The issue does not therefore lie in treating technology as something negative. It lies in helping children and adolescents learn when it makes sense to use it and when it is important to turn it off.

This process does not depend solely on the school's rules.

It is also built at home, through consistent boundaries, by example from adults and opportunities to be screen-free without it being seen as a punishment.

Learning to tolerate some inconvenience, waiting, talking without interruptions, or choosing another activity are also skills that can be trained.

When to seek psychological support

When anxiety persists, increases, or begins to clearly limit the child's life, it may be important to seek help.

The first question is not just “how to end anxiety?”, but understanding what is causing it.

The same phrase “I don’t want to go to school” It can have very different meanings.

There may be a fear of being away from parents, difficulties in learning, conflicts with peers, fear of failure, problems with integration, or simply a greater need for time to adjust.

Understanding the context makes a difference, because different causes require different forms of intervention.

In psychological follow-up, skills such as recognizing emotions, identifying what increases anxiety, finding ways to cope with more frightening thoughts, solving problems, and gradually facing situations that had begun to be avoided, can be worked on.

The way of working should always be adjusted to the age, personality and needs of each child.

The parents are part of the process

When a child is anxious, involving the family is often an important part of the follow-up.

What happens outside the consultation has significant weight.

Small changes in the way adults respond to fear, insecurity, or avoidance can help the child gain confidence and autonomy.

It's not always easy to find the balance between protecting and letting them experiment.

Sometimes, helping too much can unintentionally convey the idea that the child is unable to handle a given situation. On the other hand, pushing too hard can further increase anxiety.

The goal is to monitor without doing everything for the child and to support without turning every difficulty into a sign of alarm.

When necessary, it can also be useful to have communication between the family, the school, and the professionals who are accompanying the child, always respecting confidentiality.

The goal is not to eliminate anxiety

Anxiety, fear, and frustration are part of development.

Therefore, the goal is not to prevent a child from feeling these emotions again.

It is helping her to understand what she is feeling, to discover ways to cope with that discomfort, and to realize that she can continue to move forward even when some anxiety is present.

It is this experience, repeated over time, that helps build confidence.

If returning to school is proving particularly difficult and anxiety starts to interfere with the well-being of the child or family, seeking support can help understand what is behind this discomfort. In Integrative Psychotherapy, psychological support for children, adolescents, and adults is based on the history, needs, and context of each person.